Always read the fine print*

Always read the fine print*

Plot: Frank has been in a serious car accident and he’s missing memories—of the people around him, of the history they share, and of how he came to be in the crash. All he remembers is that he is a lawyer who specializes in fine print, and as he narrates his story, he applies this expertise in the form of footnotes.*

Robert Glancy’s debut novel is likable and funny, just like the author. Here he is talking to us on our radio show about his journey from PR man to Bloomsbury author. If you like Nick Hornby and have an issue with lawyers you’ll love this book.

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Bruce Springsteen for President

Bruce Springsteen for President

This picture was taken last night at Bruce Springsteen’s epic show in Auckland, New Zealand. He opened with a rendition of Lorde’s ‘Royals’ before embarking on a set list which made those lucky enough to be there smile like drunken goons.

His version of ‘Born to Run’ made me laugh out loud it was that damn good. And that’s what surprised me most. I never expected to laugh at a Bruce gig. He drags willing punters on stage to play his guitar and dance with his band. He’s a star but he’s ain’t precious. He’s the likable neighbor who hit the big time and wants everyone to join the party.

By the time he finished the entire ‘Born in the USA’ album I wanted to bow to him as if he were some kind of Rock God sent from space. Which makes this keynote speech at SXSW even cooler. Yes it’s an hour long – yes you’ll love it.

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Why being a Dad hurts

It’s still school holidays here in New Zealand.

Perhaps my ten year old daughter is struggling for ideas.

‘Dad, can I kick you in the bum?’

‘Okay… just once.’

‘Wait, can I put shoes on?’

X-Treme School Holidays Kiwi style – Praying Mantis Vs Fly

X-Treme School holidays Kiwi style - Praying Mantis Vs Fly

It’s school holidays here in New Zealand. When drawing, playing soccer and Mine Craft have run their course, my young girls normally set about finding a new hobby. In this case one that involves death and mayhem.

Goodnight, Mr Fly.

Top 5 things to outsource

1. exercise
2. hangovers
3. childbirth
4. worry
5. sleep

Kiwiana Goes Pop – Volume 2

kiqi

A while back the first Kiwiana Goes Pop album was released featuring my song Good Keen Metrosexual. Kiwiana Goes Pop 2 is out now and features Billy T James, John Clarke and Tim Finn’s little known song ‘Runs in the Family.’ The old TV ads on the album are a good laugh. Fiona McDonald (Columbine pantyhose), Annie Crummer (Soda Stream) and Hugo Said You Go (KFC). Not to forget The Miramar Chess Club with this brilliant Rugby World Cup song. I snuck onto the album with my song ‘Great Place To Bring Up the Kids, a satirical (sometimes acerbic) look at life from my book Myth New Zealand. Random, weird, nostalgic collection. Enjoy!

PS. Brilliant artwork by Lester Hall

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5 things you won’t hear this December

1. I dont mind if our renovations aren’t finished by Xmas

2. I’ve just started Weight Watchers

3. Aren’t the staff friendly at the malls at the moment?

4. How’s this for luck? Boss has asked me to work New Year’s Eve

5. I’m not drinking at the work Xmas party

10,000 sheep. One song. Sung badly

Here’s a Christmas song I wrote with my mate Dean Young. Lyrics weren’t an issue. Getting 10,000 sheep to sing in tune took a little longer. Enjoy.

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Be a cocky little nobody

Writing a novel is akin to solving a Rubik’s Cube. With vaseline on your hands. Underwater. Blindfolded. But it’s also FUN. Sometimes you just need a final push to get you over the line. Perhaps visualization could work. When my daughter struggled with high jump at school she imagined a knife-welding pirate was chasing her. (Violent class).

Here are some tips I often use to get the job done:

Ask yourself – what is the worst thing I can do to this character, then do it.

Download the Freedom app. Sure, you’ll miss out on baby photos and recipes on Facebook, but you’ll get a whole lot more done.

Find the weakest scene in your novel and DELETE IT. Don’t hold back. You’re not a scene collector, you’re an author. Find the next weakest scene. Are you brave enough to REPEAT? Ultimately you are trying to fit a lake into a cup without spilling a drop. Only you will know what was (and wasn’t) left out.

Introduce a new character halfway through who makes things worse.

Short paragraphs are easier for the reader.

Switching between Word and Scrivener helps with perspective.

Enjoy yourself.

If you’re lacking spark or confidence, listen to what Ricky Gervais told Time magazine.

None of that helps? Perhaps imagine a knife-welding pirate is chasing you. Or do what the masters do: drink.

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